my life right now.

Weird nights with kids I wouldn't be friends with if I were in New York. Drinking cheap beer in Peter's Canyon. Shitty job market made shittier I really think by the fact that I am not what is expected of a 20 year old white girl in Orange County - not blonde or thin, and I don't talk like a valley girl. Horrible dreams where I am looking for something, always questing - I slid down some ice and broke my fucking nose in the last one, no joke. Watching my mom and dad fight about moving to Colorado, leaving my mom crying because she doesn't want to leave her family, especially my grandpa, who has cancer, and leaving my dad silent and really fucking pissed... but we're not moving.

At the end of a 40 minute phone conversation with a kid who hates talking on the phone, Jon and I talked very very briefly about what would happen if the whole visiting thing actually happened - would it be a casual, friends with benefits kind of deal, would we be considering dating, blah blah blah. After the conversation he sat down and wrote a poem about fish sex. I think this is proof that we belong together for at least a little bit, but I also thing the whole long distance thing is kind of doomed, so we'll see.

Also, prop 8 - what the hell?! I can't believe something so disgusting has been permitted to stay a law. I am not an eloquent woman, and I really can't even formulate words to describe how saddened I was to hear that so many of my friends are still being treated like second-class citizens and second-class humans, but also because there are people in the world who believe that it's right, which I think is even sadder.

Conclusion: Should have stayed in New York. No question. I would have had 3 part-time jobs and no school, saving some cash. The only reason I came home was to save my parents some money, which is great and in that respect I am really glad I am... but I also came home to get a job and save that cash for me for when I go to Prague, and right now, even with my resume sent to like 40 places, it's really not looking so hot.