it's april 11th today.

Haven't written in a while. I've been almost bipolar in my moods lately, up and down, up and down. Trying to work on regulating that. I've also been getting some terrible migraines, but hopefully got a prescription that will help me with them.

Today is the one year anniversary of the day I met the man who has been my boyfriend for almost 9 months. It's weird. So much has gone on in my life since then, but it seems unbelievable that it would have been a year since that time.

School is of course eating my mind. I can't even type down how much I have to do before the end of the semester.

Summer plans look good and busy... babysitting Chris and Emi once a week, mentoring a few times a week, working with one of my favorite psychiatrists on developing a new health program for a local high school, volunteering as a suicide helpline counselor for The Trevor Project... and taking the weekends off. Why? Mainly because I will be out of town for at least 4 weekends this summer, undoubtedly more, and because The Trevor Project requires two whole weekends in June for training. So I might not be making too much money this summer, but at this point, if I get some good recommendations and experience out of it, I couldn't care less. And free weekends should mean more time with the boy... right?

Friend stuff is slightly drama as always. I count myself lucky to have them, but I'm so blessed to have the best friend of all, mah boo... no, but really. He's a life-saver at this point.

I'm registering for my last semester of my undergraduate career tomorrow afternoon... creeping myself out!

Well, we all know my life is weird. How's yours?

i can't believe it's almost april...

Everything has been going really well. I am still unreasonably stressed out about the various components of my life and I've been getting some bad migraines, but I'm also fairly happy. Jon and I are better than ever. I'm going to be working on course development with a psychiatrist I like in the fall. The class is on eating disorders, so I am pretty excited about that. As far as an internship this summer goes, I am still hoping that something will work out. If not, I will at least have volunteering as a suicide helpline counselor with The Trevor Project, which is something I'm looking forward to.

I'm helping Jon move to Plymouth, MA next weekend, so I am pretty excited about that. I will get to meet his roommates and he will get to meet my best friend and her boyfriend. And my mom is coming in a few weeks to meet him.

So there's just quite a lot going on, as usual, but I feel pretty good, unusually.

Whiny time over! I am so excited for my boyfriend, the grad student! :) And very excited to move him out of the family home in Pennsylvania up to his apartment in Plymouth, MA in a few weeks!

Well, my boyfriend just got into Emerson's M.F.A. program. This is very exciting for him, sort of a bummer for me, the reason being that Boston's Ph.D/Psy.D programs for me are nearly impossible to get into... so I'll be applying to one Psy.D, one Ph.D, and some master's programs at schools that wouldn't accept me to their Ph.D because I won't be in the top 3% of their applicants.

But I am very proud of Jon, and we will make it work. Or rather, I will make it work.

live through this, and you won't look back

I have an essay test Monday, work all day Tuesday with an emotionally disturbed woman who is going to flip a shit, and then a multiple choice test AND an essay test Wednesday. I hate midterms.

I REALLY hate how fat I feel.

Oh well. Everything will get better. I promise.

My mom is turning my room into an office. I guess that means I'm a grown-up. The family is going on a ski trip without me this week. And my dog died. And my youngest sister is apparently old enough to have friends hang themselves. All in the last week. I feel very disconnected from the homestead indeed.

Good things:

I love my boyfriend. He loves me, even though I'm insane. Maybe even because of it.

Spring is coming to New York City, slowly but surely.

I am probably intelligent enough to get into grad school SOMEWHERE.

I have the apartment to myself this weekend, so I can practice living alone - aka bumming it on the couch studying/watching TV alone.

I may buy bread and cheese this afternoon.

bah.

Okay, I'll say it. I'm worried about midterms. I'm worried about not getting into graduate school. I'm just-plain worried. Some of the programs I used to feel confident about applying to have been revealed by the bible of clinical psych programs to have admittance rates of 2-8%. I'm not in the top 8% of applicants. At all.

And so I've compiled a list of 20% and up schools. Bah.

It's snowing. I'm supposed to take a bus down to Pennsylvania to be with Jon tomorrow night. Bah.

My forehead has gotten much greasier now that I have bangs. Bah.

At least I can use the snow as a reason to not to go the gym... going to work in Brooklyn today is going to be unpleasant enough.

Jon and I had a great, lovely, fun weekend of cheesecake and pajamas and sex and cuddling and an excursion to a wonderful Indian restaurant, but this week it's just like... it takes me HOURS to fall asleep. My brain just won't turn off, which is really frustrating. Bitch needs sleep!