Tonight I will be sitting on the couch by myself watching Woody Allen movies and drinking one of those baby bottles of champagne, missing my boyfriend. And tonight there will only be 15 more days until I get to see him. And tomorrow he is driving to Boston to help his friend/new roommate move in. And I wish I could go too.

And I started weight watchers again today.

And I want to go to camp next week, but right now I just really want to go back to New York and be by myself in my own apartment, at the very least.

christmas vacation

Being home has always been kind of a weird thing for me. It is kind of like my life stops. My mom is making me (well, not really making me, but I'm more likely to do it if I pretend that she is) learn how to drive a car. Again. It sucks. I have a few things that trigger my underlying anxiety disorder, and they are: driving, shopping malls, and Times Square. Yesterday, my mom made me encounter two of three.

So other than forcing myself to endure exposure therapy in the form of driving my sister's car and get my license hopefully next Wednesday, the only thing on the docket is camp, which I am thrilled about.

After vomiting for the third consecutive year on Christmas, I have vowed to kind of stop drinking very much. For Jon. I don't drink a lot in New York anymore because I am too fucking busy. But hey, I got a 3.9 this semester (3 A's, 1 A-. That's right. Suck it). Anyway, it really scared him that I was puking on Christmas. And I called him beforehand. Why? Because that's what I do when I'm drunk and gonna puke. I get scared. And he got scared, too. But I only have 5 glasses of wine or so, so I was really scared, 'cause it was weird. Anyway, it freaked him out, especially since he's used to me being able to handle myself, so I promised him I would lay off. And I have. Since that point I have had a glass of wine at dinner once and I think there's a glass of champagne in the future with my parents on New Years... not that I'm doing anything on New Years, because I'm definitely just staying in.

I have friends here at home, but I have very little drive to see them. I think this is for a few reasons: 1. missing Jon overshadows anything I might miss about them and 2. ...meh. I'm kind of indifferent about most things in California.

BUT. 11 days until ACE Camp, 13 days til back in New York, and 18 days til back with my boyfriend.

I miss my boyfriend. 36 more days. At least I get to spend 20 of those days at home, being completely bored and plied with free food and booze, and also by being forced to get my drivers license, endure my family and log in a session at church (just what I need). It is so weird that Pennsylvania has become the place I want to go when I think to myself, "get me the fuck out of here."

I think my mom is finally going to meet him, on our 6 month anniversary weekend. She wants to come to New York and see a play or something. It's also my and Oscar's housewarming party weekend, so I guess Peggy is coming to the party! That'll be delightfully weird.

3 finals and a final paper to go. I'm only really worried about the very last final and maybe the paper. But at this point in the semester, it's like, yeah yeah yeah whatever.

One apartment move to go. Oscar and I get the keys from the super this afternoon, and then I do my usual and buy a forty and spend the entire afternoon/evening/night packing up all my shit, as my aunt will be coming in the early morning hours to assist me in leaving.

I have an odd enjoyment of the feeling of my own stubble.

happy humpday

The boy and I had a wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful wonderful weekend, and of course to mark that, Monday night we had kind of a bad argument. Not our first, but one of the first and kind of a biggie. But we are all okay now and so that is good. Only 38 more days until I get to see him again... I think when that happens my face will crack from smiling.

Last non-final test of the semester was yesterday, got a 93. Chicka yeahhhh. Presentation in an hour and a half, wooooops we're just gonna wing it. Move into apartment - living by myself for 10 days, since Oscar won't move in until after finals - Saturday. Huge paper and final on Tuesday. Final on Thursday. Final the following Monday. Fly home to CA the day after (22nd).

Weird how I don't want to go home per se, but I just want to get the fuck out of here... and go where? To Pennsylvania, no doubt. Shiiiiiit.

I am starting my gym resolution the day after I move into the new place, since it is only a few blocks from the gym, as opposed to a 15 minute walk in the cold like the place I live now. My gym resolution is to go at least 5 times a week. I am thinking about making myself a chart with gold stars on it.

I feel fat today. My roommate and I ordered pizza last night. Mistake.

Yesterday I was stricken ill, as I am often wont to do, and tonight I am supposed to be on a bus to the boyfriend! What's a girl to do?! Well, luckily, my class got cancelled for this morning, so I did my laundry last night, went to bed at 11, and didn't get out of bed til quarter after 9. Now I am packing my little suitcase because bitch got things to do today! mainly being I am getting paid to take a mentee to the Tim Burton exhibit at the MoMA - chicka yeahhhhh. Then come home, pick up my suitcase, buy cold medicine and candy for when boyfriend and I watch Elf, go downtown for coffee with my writing professor whom I'm obsessed with, and back uptown to hop on the bus.

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Pennsylvania! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy boyfriend! He says he is going to take care of me, as I am sickly. What a sweet boyfriend!

amazing how a conversation that makes me cry on and off for like two hours leads to me feeling really, really great about my relationship. speaking of which, relationships are weird. but i like this one. i can't wait to be with him friday night. almost there!

oh my god

this is hard. this is really hard. i have never been in a relationship for this long and it's hard. why is it hard?! i hate crying and i've been doing it for more than an hour. if you are going to break up with me because i tell you i love you too much because i never fucking get to see you, do it fucking now and not while i'm stranded in pennsylvania.