hello carolyn.

In honour of my upcoming writing class under the guidance of Pat C. Hoy II, god among men, and perhaps in honour of the depression I most likely have, which gives me a little writing itch, and perhaps in honour of the fact that I am still in California and therefore am most likely bored out of my small skull, I have come back to this place... and deleted the two posts I had made a year ago, as they are from when I was happy, apparently. I guess this place will be practice for writing class.

I am kind of bumming out right now and listening to Death Cab for Cutie, because I guess I am just that kind of girl, but I'm also post-panic attack, due to the most recent trip to the shopping mall, sending me into a delicious spiral of nausea, anxiety, and headachey joy. I think I have social anxiety. I'm a psychology major, I should fucking know. I am also trying to decide if I am going to crash my friend's birthday party because I didn't score an fbook invite, but think it is okay if I go, or if I am going to do what I actually feel like doing, which is drinking a bottle of wine and watching either Weeds or When Harry Met Sally or both. Both options involve alcohol, however, only one involves being social and trying to find a ride home/deciding to pass out and spend the night on the Doty floor once again. So I guess we shall have to wait and see where I end up.

I decided yesterday that I prefer to be called Eliza, after spending the last decade or so of my life as Liz. How did this blessed event come to be, you ask? Well, it all happened because my friend is an accountant for Mimi's Cafe.

I know. That's frustratingly vague. I'm an asshole like that.

Anyway, since my friend Mandi is an accountant for Mimi's, she gets free lunch, so she asked if I wanted free food. Of course I do. I am waiting for her at the place and I put our name down on the list. I have a 30 second debate with myself - can I pull off the name Fantasia? I decide that I cannot in approximately 3 of those seconds, and give the name Eliza. It's a legitimate variant of Elizabeth. I feel no guilt for giving this name. When asked how to spell it, I reply, "Elizabeth without the 'beth.'" I like being able to say this. I decide Eliza sounds pretty. The love of my life tells me he likes the name Eliza better than Liz because it's less common and apparently rolls off his tongue. I want to roll off his tongue. 

I promptly change my facebook name to Eliza and request that my friends observe the switch. Some are more compliant than others.

I am fucking tired. I feel shy. I haven't really felt like this since middle school. No bueno. Maybe I am going to have to take the college shrink up on that referral thing. Goddamnit. I want to re-read The Hobbit. My copy is in New York, where I will be in approximately 3 days. I guess I can wait.

If I go to this goddamn party, I must cheer up right now. Or soon.